Let’s start by reviewing reasons my blog could have disappeared for the past couple of weeks.
1. I could have been kidnapped and kept tied to a chair on the tippy top of a windy mountain.
2. I could have decided to get out of Minnesota and see the world on the back of a fluffy sheep.
3. I could have joined a band of pirates and sailed the seven seas, freaking out about scurvy and building a lot of planks (someone’s gotta build those.)
4. I could have pricked my finger on a spindle and fallen into a deep, deep sleep only to be woken by true love’s kiss.
5. I could have built a house by digging a burrow into the side of a hillside and survived on carrot stew and turnips (are turnips a real actual vegetable? I just realized I’ve never actually seen one in real life. I’m pretty sure they just exist in Beatrix Potter books.)
6. I could have gotten trapped in an unfortunate mishap when building a teetering princess and the pea bed out of every mattress and blanket I could find near and far. Those things should have regulations.
Or my domain could have just expired. It could have been literally the most boring thing that could possibly happen.
Easy fix though, a domain renewal. Problem is that at first I panicked, and just sort of scratched my head and put my hands up and said “internet how?” and some other murmers of nonsense.
And then I just got busy with things. I still don’t understand how someone who only has to do her own laundry has to do it all the time. Or how I’m always out of everything (because I eat it all, that’s why.) Or when I could fix this little internet issue when last week I got home from the restaurant I work at at 3:30 in the morning…and set my alarm for 7:30 because I had to be back at 8 the next morning.
I work a lot, guys. I’m hogging all the jobs in Minnesota, because I’m very interested in makin’ them stacks. It could be because I’ll be in school soon, or it could because I want to buy some of these. Don’t rule anything out, you hardly know me.
However, this is hardly a tale of woe. I love being busy, I thrive on it. When I finally get a little free time, I relish it, rather than wallow it away doing nothing
but pinning like I do when I have too much of it. I bike, or go to lunch with friends, or take a blanket outside and read. But it just makes little hiccups, like a domain expiration, take longer to fix.
Then there was the problem of the sudden quiet. Having a blog means you’re in constant contact with other people and there’s this inescapable slow buzz of information coming at you all the time. Emails from other bloggers, twitter (I would hardly call myself a twitterer (tweeter?) but it still counts.) instagram, checking my comments, replying to this and that, updating my facebook page, you know.
It’s a lot to take on. And it’s a lot of your time. And although it’s technically a part time job, there aren’t any set hours. And you find yourself doing these things at seven on a Friday night, or 11pm, or 4am. And it just gets to be so much to deal with.
And I realized I had started to resent that “time-sapping” feeling from my blog, the feeling that whenever I got some free time, I should be blogging or doing something else to better my site. Feeling guilty when I ignored that feeling and did something else I enjoyed. I didn’t like it.
So when all of that stopped when my domain expired, it was sort of a relief. A rush of quiet after a long jumble of noise. As long as I didn’t renew my domain, I didn’t have to deal with any of that. I went out with friends and didn’t instagram it. I didn’t spend hours pouring over comments on my posts, and worrying about how whatever I wrote was going over. I didn’t check and recheck how many likes my Instagram photos were getting, or how many people were “impacted” by my facebook post. I could just do what I wanted to do, and I didn’t have to tell anyone about it, and I didn’t have to make sure it sounded interesting and fun and inspiring if I did.
During that break, I started to think, this is kind of nice. This is so relaxing, so simple, so easy. Why was I pouring so much time into that? I couldn’t believe the relief I felt.
But as I thought about that, I also thought about how much I love this community, and how much I love blogging. The amazing letters I’ve gotten from girls all over the place, saying that I inspired them to work toward recovery, to treat their bodies right, to take pride in being healthy rather than skinny. I have heard some incredible stories.
I am so inspired by that roar of response, and I would hate to miss out on the opportunity to inspire even one more girl to change her focus because I just got too busy or too selfish or enjoyed the quiet just a little too much.
That quiet though. It was so nice.
There’s a middle ground here, isn’t there? I can still stay in this community, learning and finding my way like I have been, gently pushing toward a healthier outlook, being as positive as I can, being a voice for what I think is the better choice—without caring about how many people like my vintage-filtered salad picture on instagram, and without caring about how many people voted on my facebook “favorite cardio” poll, and without caring whether or not people agree that my pup is indeed the cutest pup there ever was.
“More passion, less fuss.” -The Tiny Twig
That’s what I want.
Stick with me here, I’ll find my way (or don’t, I’m not the boss of you.) I can’t promise any consistency of posts, or that I’ll make any sense, or that I’ll stay relevant by any means. And I can’t promise I’ll never post another vintage-filtered salad picture on Instagram, because sometimes, salads are too delicious not to share. I can, however, promise that I’ll keep trying to be authentic, and honest, and open.
And that my pup is indeed the cutest pup there ever was.